Caught Your Spouse Cheating? Avoid These 5 Critical Mistakes or You May Be Driven to the Nuthouse
November 9th, 2009 by Stan J. Van SantFew things hurt people worse than a spouse cheating. Maybe a loved one's death, but even then, you're spared the devastating betrayal that comes with infidelity.
But, like anything else, you can survive this. You might take some solace in knowing there are many people out there in the same boat as you are. I am a personal survivor of infidelity. I know of what I speak. It can be done. You have to rely on yourself. That can be the hardest thing you have to understand.
Here our five vital keys:
Don't rationalize the betrayal.
By that I mean, don't stick your head in the stand and think this is going to take of itself. It won't. You've caught your spouse cheating. That demands your attention and that you act in way that is in your best interest. You may be used to thinking in terms of yourself in a unit with your partner, but right now that needs to change. You need to be concerned for yourself and your personal well-being.
Find a safe refuge.
When you've caught a spouse cheating, this is easier said than done. You've mad. Hopping mad and you want to vent. You're partner is going to have absorb that for a bit, but then it's time to move on. Why? Why did you do it? If you can get an honest answer to that without the shame or guilt, you may be on your way to having a better relationship than the one you had before.
Don't take the blame.
No way, Jose. Look. All couple have problems. That's doesn't mean you lose track of your commitment to each other and hop in bed with someone else. After you've caught your spouse cheating, they may attempt to lay some of the blame at your feet. No thanks.
Don't run it into the ground.
Trust me, you'll be tempted to relive the moment you found out and to try to imagine everything that went on between them. This is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Memories and emotions are very closely tied together in the brain, so remembering will bring out the pain, as fresh as the day you found out. When you feel yourself obsessing, practice thought-stopping. Literally tell yourself, "Stop!" and deliberately turn your thoughts to something else.
Don't live in Angry Town.
It's normal to consider suicide. Research has shown that all the parties involved in spouses cheating do it. You want the pain to end, and it seems like the solution. It isn't. The pain is going to pass - do you really want to make a monumental decision like this based on pain that eventually will stop? And what of those you leave behind, including your children, friends, even your spouse? Don't do that to them.
Give yourself enough space to indulge your hurt. You deserve it. But don't take up residence there. At some point, it's going to be time to move on. Life waits for no one. Don't let the bitterness of this devour you. Demand more of yourself.
Don't think this is something that you're going to over tomorrow. It's not. It could take months, years even to really let it all go.
When you've caught a spouse cheating the emotional trauma may even linger in some places inside forever. But, you can live to see another day. I have.
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