Caught Your Spouse Cheating? Avoid These 5 Critical Mistakes or You May Be Driven to the Nuthouse
Few things hurt people worse than a spouse cheating. Maybe a loved one's death, but even then, you're spared the devastating betrayal that comes with infidelity.
But, like anything else, you can survive this. You might take some solace in knowing there are many people out there in the same boat as you are. I am a personal survivor of infidelity. I know of what I speak. It can be done. You have to rely on yourself. That can be the hardest thing you have to understand.
Here our five vital keys:
Don't rationalize the betrayal.
By that I mean, don't stick your head in the stand and think this is going to take of itself. It won't. You've caught your spouse cheating. That demands your attention and that you act in way that is in your best interest. You may be used to thinking in terms of yourself in a unit with your partner, but right now that needs to change. You need to be concerned for yourself and your personal well-being.
Find a safe refuge.
When you've caught a spouse cheating, this is easier said than done. You've mad. Hopping mad and you want to vent. You're partner is going to have absorb that for a bit, but then it's time to move on. Why? Why did you do it? If you can get an honest answer to that without the shame or guilt, you may be on your way to having a better relationship than the one you had before.
Don't take the blame.
No way, Jose. Look. All couple have problems. That's doesn't mean you lose track of your commitment to each other and hop in bed with someone else. After you've caught your spouse cheating, they may attempt to lay some of the blame at your feet. No thanks.
Don't run it into the ground.
Trust me, you'll be tempted to relive the moment you found out and to try to imagine everything that went on between them. This is one of the worst things you can do to yourself. Memories and emotions are very closely tied together in the brain, so remembering will bring out the pain, as fresh as the day you found out. When you feel yourself obsessing, practice thought-stopping. Literally tell yourself, "Stop!" and deliberately turn your thoughts to something else.
Don't live in Angry Town.
It's normal to consider suicide. Research has shown that all the parties involved in spouses cheating do it. You want the pain to end, and it seems like the solution. It isn't. The pain is going to pass - do you really want to make a monumental decision like this based on pain that eventually will stop? And what of those you leave behind, including your children, friends, even your spouse? Don't do that to them.
Give yourself enough space to indulge your hurt. You deserve it. But don't take up residence there. At some point, it's going to be time to move on. Life waits for no one. Don't let the bitterness of this devour you. Demand more of yourself.
Don't think this is something that you're going to over tomorrow. It's not. It could take months, years even to really let it all go.
When you've caught a spouse cheating the emotional trauma may even linger in some places inside forever. But, you can live to see another day. I have.
Learn more about . Stop by Stan J. Van Sant's site where you unlock the secrets to surviving a
Win Back Your Ex, Or Cut Them Loose Forever?
Win back your ex or cut bait and move on? Chances are you've asked yourself the same question a thousand times recently. And, wouldn't it be just grand if all you had to do was make the decision and all the logical steps magically appeared before you, leading you to the life you want? Sure. But, it is possible to make it a little easier on yourself when faced with this dilemma. And, if you thinking of that moving on is the best path to take, here are five steps listed for your careful consideration:
*Decision Time: Make One and Stand Tall in the Saddle with it
You've made a decision and fired the big torpedo, and once the bomb has left the hanger, there's no turning back. You now going to fritter time in wasteful emotion? Are you going to be big kid about it or sit and cry, lamenting the past? Which is more productive and better for you and your future? Just remember: if it was really working, you wouldn't be where you are.
*Don't bottle up your emotions
You make yourself miserable by not allowing your emotions to feel whatever it is that's there. Don't deny your feelings. Don't attempt to "get over it." This hurts. It's supposed to. The tenderest, most vulnerable part of yourself is being exposed right now. Take care of it and yourself and admit that it's painful.
*Perform an act of Symbolism to acknowledge it's over
This can be anything. Set fire to the old love letters. Tear up the 8 x 10 of 'ol' what's their name' that sits near your fireplace. Trash the stuffed dog you both bought at the Fair. Just perform some act and say, "This is symbolic of our ending." It'll go a long way to helping finalize your decision. Don't get lost in fits of rage here. This is a good thing, remember? You've made a decision that's in the best interest of a happy future for yourself. Don't lose sight of that fact.
*Seek Out Old Friends
Kurt Vonnegut had a great line: "Love comes and goes, but courtesy lasts forever." Your friends are your courtesy. They sometimes know you better than you know yourself. Dial them up. Let them know how much they mean to you. Don't get sappy here, but reaching out is a good thing.
*Don't forget about Number One
This is probably the most important thing. Don't sit around eating ice cream out of the carton, watching "Sleepless in Seattle" over and over again. Get out of the house. Exercise. Watch your diet. Treat yourself with respect by dressing nicely. Meet new people. Be open to the new chapter in your life that is about to begin. And remember: this doesn't have to suck. And, much of that depends on you.
In sum: do you really want to win back your ex, or has the ship really sailed? Only you know the answer to that, and you know it better than anyone can ever tell you. There isn't a thing being thrown at you now that you can't handle. You're adult, fully capable of making adult decisions. The past is prologue. What you make of your life, right now, is truly up to you.
Want to learn more about , then visit Stan J. Van Sant's site and get his free 35 page ebook "The 7 Telltale Signs of a Truly Reformed Cheater" - just go to